Back when I was a baby pagan, I formed a circle with four other women–two of them close friends, one of them my lover, and one of them a new acquaintance whose children went to the same cooperative preschool as my lover’s daughter. For several months it was fantastic. We worked through a book on witchcraft together, we created rituals, we did healing spells that were hugely successful. Our time together was fun, and inspiring, and I learned a lot.
Then it all fell apart in a truly spectacular way.
After that I searched for another witchy circle and had a few near misses, but nothing quite came together until I met my reiki master, and turned my focus to energy work. My teacher was forming a loose, eclectic circle of lovely people who met monthly for meditation and journeying. It wasn’t specifically witchy, but I wanted a spiritual community, and I gained a lot from the experience.
In 2012 I allowed the demands of others come between me and my spiritual practice. I became isolated from my spiritual community. And then I moved to Portland, an hour away from my energy worker friends. And as you all know, I floundered for a while.`
Lately I’ve been coming back to my witchy roots, rediscovering the excitement and joy I found in being a witch. I’m reading a basic book on Wicca and kind of loving it. And for the first time in a long time, I’m a solitary witch. It’s not bad; I get to focus on the subjects that interest me most and work on mastering basic skills that I really should have a grasp on after almost 14 years as a pagan.
But. I’m really wishing I had a circle to work with like the one I had back in those days with my friends. What I miss the most is the stimulating conversation–we didn’t set out to be a discussion group, but we all had similar enough interests that we could really delve deeply into spiritual topics, staying up late and talking with no lag in conversation.
Talking to myself just isn’t the same, y’all.
It’s odd to know so many pagans–most of whom I quite like–but to feel so solitary. The thing is, a group either gels, or it doesn’t, even if it all looks perfect on paper. I’ve met so many lovely people, but so far that cohesive . . . something . . . needed for a successful circle hasn’t happened for me yet.
So for now I’ll stay solitary.
What about you all? How many of you are solitary, and if you are solitary, are you satisfied that way?